Moan

For the last 15 years I have pretty refused to accept that was getting further and further from the age of 30. It is still pretty much impossible for me to comprehend how the words "46 years old" and myself could both be descriptors of my personhood. So this summer I've been really irritated with the way my body is refusing to go along with my determination not to get actually older.

First, after a fall during Opus, I developed an impingement of a nerve in my neck which is causing numbness in my left thumb, and when I over-exert myself it sends shockwaves up my arm. It's not really getting any better, and every time I do anything really physical it seems to get bad again. So basically, it seems like I'm just no supposed to anything physical.

Of course, I do anyway, because I am staunchly refusing to accept that I can't do everything I want to do. So I was playing tennis with Spencer yesterday - he's really into it, and since I am, too, I'm incredibly excited about the possibility of playing real games with him - and pull a groin muscle running for a shot. I've never had a pull like this before - it really hurt, and now I can barely walk. It just gave out - spectacularly, in the middle of doing something I've done a million times.

My big concern is that I'm starting to slide down the slippery slope. My neck injury means I can't exercise as much as I should, which makes my body weaker and more susceptible to injury, which means I get hurt more, which means I can't exercise as much as I should, which means... pretty soon I'll be driving around the mall on a little red SpinLife Scooter.

I'm not ready!